Wednesday, 18 May 2011

Day 18 - irritability

 Photo by Michael S. Wright

Sometimes I tell myself that it is the pain but, to be quite honest, I can be a pretty irritable person. I used to be really invested in denying this fact. When you grow up around so much violence, anger seems a little suspicious and scary. However, eventually, and somewhat late in life, I have been making friends with all colors in the rainbow of my moods (corny, I know)! This morning I was cranky. There was nothing that anyone could say or do to turn the simmering down. I kept a pretty good lid on it, I think, until life decided to go from simmering to boil, courtesy of work. I wish I could say I was all Zen about it, breathed and embraced the moment. I wasn't. I was pissed off and I am sure the whole office knew, including my boss. I feel incredibly grateful for the compassion of my co-workers, including the ones who had the good grace to let me vent. Once I let my mood enjoy a good boil on high heat, it was easier to turn to the tasks at hand and move forward, even though not necessarily pleasant. Still, I am learning that vulnerability is not always about the warm and fuzzy feelings. Some days it is about knowing what a cranky bastard I am, trying to be as kind to myself and others as I can, appreciating those who like me nonetheless and looking forward to a cooler day (and fewer mixed metaphors).

1 comment:

Daz said...

Such irritability can be an excellent friend/teacher showing our weakness/inadequacy and the fact that we not able to command the universe at our own will. Irritability is a good friend of mine reminding me that I cannot control the universe but often in hindsight – as it is rather tough seeing in this way when I am in irritable mood. Perhaps another way of seeing it is that pain helps us to be alive – really alive in the present (Zen or not!)

Not sure if I’m making any sense – but it doesn’t matter…. Thank you for sharing *hugs* xxx