Monday, 30 May 2011

Day 30 - and the breath goes on

Photo by Michael S. Wright

It is hard not to shut down when I feel overwhelmed. I keep breathing, but no matter how much I breathe and center, the long to-do list persists. The only one who can magically shorten, or even dissipate it is me. There are many ways to do this: to act, to say no, to say no some more, and often. It is not easy, but the need to prune my commitments is becoming urgent. It is no longer sustainable to think that I can fit into my life all that I want to do, and all that I believe I should do. The trouble is, that it is not always easy to distinguish the 'want' from the 'should', when I am exhausted. The trouble is, that it is not so difficult, if I am honest with myself. And in the midst of all of this, all that I want is to not freak out, to stay open, to be present, to keep breathing, to know the tight sensation in the center of my chest and to say yes, I am right here in this moment. This week will require some effort, and much grounding, because there are tasks that simply must be done. After this, I am dedicating some time to figuring out how to make some room, to ensure that I keep living my life out of love and desire, and not fear, even when it comes to mundane work, and money. I am not yet sure if the adjustments will be subtle or not, but I don't need to figure that out right now. I just need to keep breathing, and opening, the rest will follow.

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